The Killer Shrews (aka Attack of the Killer Shrews)

Directed by Ray Kellogg Writing Credits Jay Simms (Story & Screenplay) Watch the Trailer Cast (in credits order) verified as complete James Best ... Thorne Sherman Ingrid Goude ... Ann Craigis Ken Curtis ... Jerry Farrell Gordon McLendon ... Dr. Radford Baines Baruch Lumet ... Dr. Marlowe Craigis Judge Henry Dupree ... 'Rook' Griswold Alfredo DeSoto ... Mario Produced by Ken Curtis .... producer Gordon McLendon .... executive producer (uncredited) Original Music by Harry Bluestone Emil Cadkin Cinematography by Wilfred M. Cline (director of photography) (as Wilfrid M. Cline) Film Editing by Aaron Stell Set Decoration by Louise Caldwell Makeup Department Corinne Daniel .... makeup artist (as Cornie Daniel) Production Management Ben Chapman .... production manager Art Department Louise Caldwell .... art designer (as Louis Caldwell) Sound Department Milton Citron .... sound effects Earl Snyder .... sound Stunts Fred Graham .... stunt coordinator (uncredited) Camera and Electrical Department Harry L. Gianneschi .... camera assistant Henry A. Kokojan .... camera operator George Gordon Nogle .... camera operator William John Ranaldi .... camera assistant Music Department Harry Bluestone .... music supervisor Gilbert D. Marchant .... music editor (as Gil Marchand) Other crew Audrey A. Blasdel .... script supervisor (as Audrey Blasdel) REVIEW Never before has there been a better use for shag carpeting than strapping it to a big dog and making a cheesy movie.  We are also treated to Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltraine, James Best, in his pre-Hazard County days. Capt. Sherman and his first mate, Rook, arrive at a private island with supplies for Dr. Craigis who runs a research facility on the island.  A big storm is approaching, apparrantly Capt. Sherman forgot to check the weather channel before heading out to work that day, and they decide to wait it out on the island with the collection of really odd people there. Something seems seriously amiss when Sherman and Rook go ashore and meet Dr. Craigis, Ann, and Jerry. Jerry seems to be wound way too tight and doesn't seem like the type you want with a death grip on a shotgun. Nobody seems to take it well when the Capt. announces they will be waiting out the storm.  Dr. Craigis wants Ann to go back to the mainland with Capt. Sherman, but he refuses to set sail until the storm passes.  Dr. Craigis invites Sherman back to his compound.  Rook stays behind to secure the boat. I think the people in the compound are doing community service as part of a twelve step program because the amount of alcohol these people consume puts the irish to shame, and I should know. Dr. Craigis must have been doing research on liver disease.  There are points at which I am stunned these people can stand up. Dr. Craigis' research can only be described as "bat-shit fucking insane". Essentially the guy wanted to turn everyone into smurfs.  I shit you not.  He wanted to shrink people so that food would last longer.  At least now we know which lab experiment Tom Cruise came from. But even worse he wanted to take all the enjoyment out of food by making everyone a vegetarian.  I'm sorry but lettuce isn't food, it's what food eats.   Not much happens other than Ann seeming so paranoid it was like she was on a bad trip.  In fact once Sherman decides to leave she goes completely bitch cakes, going so far as to pull a gun and threaten to shoot him if he opens the door.  This should be the last signal needed to know that no matter how drunk this chick manages to get, its not worth the next day. After Ann's psychotic episode Sherman is filled in on what is going on on the island.  Dr. Moreau accidently created giant rabid killer shrews by messing with their DNA.  This guy looks like he can't mix a drink, no less DNA.  When has science trying to create mutant animals EVER gone well?  Just look at Sarah Jessica Parker.  The alchoholics are drinking like there is no tomorrow, and for some of them thats pretty spot on.  Jerry gets a bug up his ass about Sherman because Ann is throwing her whorish self at him.  Apparantly she and Jerry used to be a thing, but she must have sobered up briefly and told him to take a piss.  With her track record he's lucky she didn't pull a gun on him. A shutter comes loose during the storm giving the shrews a way inside.   One of them manages to slip inside and takes a bite out of Mario when they encounter it.  After killing the shrew (turnabout is fair play) Mario is given a tourniquet, but it doesn't do any good as the giant killer shrews are now POISONOUS giant killer shrews.  Just when these lushes thought they couldn't be any more fucked.  Apparently the first attempt they made to kill the shrews prior to Sherman and Rook arriving was poison, but it didn't kill them, they just absorbed it and got stronger, kind of like Keith Richards. Speaking of good old Rook, he's still back at the boat.  Being the easiest kibble to get to the shrews attack Rook who tries to escape by climbing up a tree that never had a shot in hell of supporting his tubby ass.  The branch he is on breaks (big surprise) and he falls.  The shrews devour everything except his belt and shoes. Killer shrews don't like to accessorize.    While Rook does his best impression of a pork chop things are going to hell in a hand basket back at the compound.  Sherman decides to live up to his name and builds a tank.  OK I know what your thinking.  "If they had a tank the whole time, why the fuck were they still in the compound?"  The answer is simple.  It's not a real tank, but a MacGyver tank, made out of steel drums and duct tape and shit.  It even has little viewports.  While Sherman is busy making himself useful Jerry decides to go the other way and completely loses his shit.  He decides to go sit on the roof and refuses to come down.  If he acted any more immature he would have held his breath.  I think we can see why Ann wasn't too eager to hold on to this guy. Using the tank Sherman, Anne, and Dr. Craigis make it to the beach and swim to the boat. While Jerry is busy sulking on the roof everyone else manages to get away. Good choice Jerry. Eventually he decides to come down and make a break for the beach, but without the 'Sherman tank'  he doesn't have a shot of making it and gets predictably used as a big snausage by the giant poisonous rabid killer shrews. There probably never were any real killer shrews in the film, they were probably just so damn drunk from the liver annihilating level of drinking they were doing that they hallucinated.  The killer shrews really were just dogs who got tangled up in some remnant carpet.  They attacked the people because while they were drunk and fearing for their lives the idiots in the lab didn't feed the dogs and the chuck wagon had to stop somewhere.